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Network Flowetry!

Product Manager

Hi! I’m Joe Reves, and I’m a Flow Nerd.

I’m the Product Manager for our NetFlow Traffic Analyzer, and I’ve been working at SolarWinds for a little over a year. I’m excited about flow analytics and the problems we can solve by examining and visualizing network flow information. I’m awfully enthusiastic about all types of flow technologies, particularly traffic sampling.

I spend a lot of time talking about flow—asking customers about their challenges, and how they use flow data and tools in their environment. I also talk with my colleagues about flow. Sometimes, until they get tired of hearing about it. Often, even after they get tired…

At a recent trade show, our own “Father of NetPath”—Chris O’Brien—decided he would have a little fun, and he started a rumor that I was compiling a book of flow poetry. Naturally, this prompted me to begin writing flow poetry:

Chris, mischievous

Craves the poetry of flow

Sampled flow, of course

joer

I promptly notified our team that flow poetry, or “Flowetry,” was ON. Shortly after midnight, our intrepid leader responded with this epic:

Woes of Flow

(A poem for Joe)

It uncovers source and destination

without hesitation.

Both port and address

to troubleshoot they will clearly assess.

Beware the bytes and packets

bundled in quintuplet jackets,

for they are accompanied by a wild hog

that will drown your network in a bog.

The hero boldly proclaims thrice,

sampling is not sacrifice!

He brings data to fight

but progress is slow in this plight.

Mav

This just goes to show I shouldn’t be tossing out literary challenges in email after midnight.

Sometime after that—yes, after midnight, but before daylight—our Product Marketing Manager finished her daily email backlog and offered this:

BAP emails abound

Find the bandwidth bandit now

Joy! Now I have alerts

Abigail

So far, Chris hasn’t coughed up any examples of Flowetry. We’re calling on him next.

In terms of rumors, I hear that our resident beat poet and Head Geek™ Leon Adato is shopping for a black turtleneck sweater and a beret. And some shades. I can’t wait to see this.

We’d like to invite you now to our first-ever Flowetry event!

Post your best network flow-themed poetry below—odes, ballads, sonnets, limericks, haiku… whatever your style, we’d like to hear from you. Anything goes, but keep those limericks clean.

Looking for more?  Complete the network-themed poem for a chance to win here: https://slrwnds.com/network-flowetry-blog

229 Comments
Level 10

i do not like poetry

Level 8

The Path is difficult

The Path is dark

But the Path is watched

The Path is monitored

Danger is at bay

Solarwinds has saved the day

Level 9

There once was a man from nantucket?

Level 9

To flow or not to flow
That is the question
Whether 'tis nobel in the flow to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous flow data
Or to take flows against a sea of troubles
And by providing accurate and timely data
No more, and by flow to say a job well done

Level 10

Covid-19 you bring added stress

Sudden surge of VPN users will make a mess

They will work from home and remote

And call the helpdesk and say its no joke

While everyone sits in their pj's on the conference call

IT will be in the office, super mug of coffee and all

Level 9

There once was a man from Bunnell

Who lost all his packets in a tunnel

At the end of the day

You could hear him say

I think my data went down the wrong runnel

Level 9

First, five syllables.
Second line has seven more.
The last line has five.

Level 12

Not exactly poetry, and not my original work, but it seems to fit in with the times:

Due to Coronovirus, all TCP applications are being converted to UDP to avoid handshakes!

Level 7

Plotting your network map?

Flow's got your back...

Bandwidth being pinched?

Flow's got it cinched...

Need a network deep-dive drill-down?

Flow's holding that crown.

Level 9

My wife and son (english teacher), would weep if they saw this, but I'm the computer dude, not the a poet.

Our users are a streaming
Our network is full
Our servers are a screaming
    The designers were totally bull

Time to monitor our data
    Time for optimizing to go
No time for a beta
    Let us get NetFlow

Level 9

I'm not sure that I'm doing this right,

I've thunk and thunk with all my might,

to avoid the X and find a rhyme,

that's worthy of this forums time.

 

Level 7

my Network's flow,

Where does it go?
I can guess,

I choose progress,

and use Netflow Traffic Analyzer. 

 

Level 9

what a bunch of flow.

Level 10

The Network is slow is again, why is it always slow my friend. 

My app is fine, it works every time. 

Now I can't sleep I weep and weep, why is the network slow this week. 

Charts and Graphs don't mean a thing, look at these numbers from this ping.

Your magical wizardy makes me callous while your armchair administrate from your palace.

Just fix the network so my app works don't be such a snide Jerk!

Level 9

Flow

Know

Level 9

Destination is
unreachable. Mystery
solved, ICMP

Level 7

You say bad flow-er.

You say flow fast-er.

I say I hardly know her.

Level 7

Some pings are answered
Some pings are not
When you receive an echo
You know you've reached the spot.

Level 10

Following websites organize.

Lans observe.

Own capabilities web.

Wireless lans talk.

Economic systems reference.

Technical capabilities regulate.

Regional device request.

Year enrollments abound.

Level 9

when your network is being absorbed by a larger entity

that takes your flow sources

it leaves  netflow quite empty

 

Level 13

Where do users go
NetFlow will reveal the truth
It can't be denied

Level 9

Frantically passing your packets

Loops are a thing of the past

Onwards and upwards to better performance

We monitor to cover our a..

Even as everyone panics

The threat of Covid is near

Rerouting my phone for homeworking

You know what, I'm off for a beer*!

 

 

*Cider, but that don't rhyme.  #Flowetry

Level 9

A network has pain
Where the root cause lies
We are searching in vain

Fortune has it that
Where packets did go
We find thanks to the flow

Level 9

Packets flow like milk

From the udder of a cow

Where do they end up?

Level 9

Netflow - A Haiku

Is it app or net?

Why is the network so slow?

NetFlow can show why

Level 14

Great streams of network traffic

Like a river flows,

What swims below the surface

We may never know. 

To pull fish from the river

A net we will choose,

To pull packets from the network

NetFlow is what we use.

Level 9

Sorry, I am not a poet, and do know it! 🤔😎

NetFlow Haiku

where do my flows go
use netflow to let you know
time to track down users

Level 10

Why do people bother me

It is the packets that I want to see.

Keep my network stable,

Do not crash my table.

Or my wrath will be pointed at thee.

"Into the LAN all the packets must flow
Not really knowing which way they should go
Routed and switched so as not to go slow
All with the help of our good friend, NetFlow"

As I stated earlier in this thread, unlike others, I am a performer not a composer but every now and then, I can squeak one out.

#Flowetry

Level 9

Netflow is cool
I'm no good at Flowetry
This helpful tool
Doesn't help me with Poetry

Level 9

Bits flow on the wire

Beware the man in the middle

Your packets, his wealth

Level 9

Netflow Works For Me

Network Traffic Gets Watched More

Accuracy Counts

Level 7

Green light, red light
oh, oh the sight!
oh no! red lights!
holy **bleep**e!

Hold the phone...
green lights glow.
Thank the flow
for the know.

Level 8

Spot a problem

Fix a problem

with netflow, you got no problem!

 

Level 8

(true story)

 

A router received a new packet
and thought someone was trying to hack it
It opted to drop
and then monitoring stopped
and in the IT office there was a big racket

Level 7

To the tune of Row, row, row your boat.

Keep, keep, keep the flow
Smoothly down the pipes.
Keep an eye on your traffic
with NTA insights.

Level 9

Help o' admin please assist

My page won't load when I give it the clicks

It says it's blocked

Give the net admin a shout

Why do you block all my shows here at my desk. 

Level 9

TCPDump runs

Packets flow across my screen

I see you hiding

Level 12

In tribute to Yoko:

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

Level 11

Who am I?

Hello, i am NetFlow

Known in many versions, as you know

Inaugurate with version number one

On 2,3,4 updates are none

Then got BGP on version five

6,7,8 busy with Cisco and resource hype

MPLS,IPv6,IPSec,NBAR are also mine

That's why i am now version nine.

/msarkar

Level 7

ping the default gateway

no reply is seen in the command line say

wonder why the traffic is being blocked

when you tell the engineer who is completely shocked

Level 9

Zima in our Cisco
Adapted from Malware in Our Frigidaire
by Joe Reves, Principle Product Manager at SolarWinds
Write your own Network Flowetry on THWACK, SolarWinds' IT Community.

There’s some Zima
In our Cisco –
I wonder how it got in there?
It’s hijacked the network
It’s ordering Go to meetings 
With its hooks in the firmware
Wreaking data sorceries

It’s scanning all the ports
On IOT devices
Its propagating everywhere
Creating Dino crisis

But we see it in the network flows
The fan-out makes it show
It’s probing ports like Joshua trees
But flow-nerds find it with great ease

Alas, I confirm I’m not mistaken
This fridge’s code is not benign
Canceling orders for excess Pizza
I take the Cisco offline

@mikegale @mrdrewhood 

Level 10

Sing to the tune of "California Dreaming"...

Network's slowin' down
Causing quite the fray

Something's caused a block
It won't go away

Whose the waif whose norm
has caused this melee?

NetFlow found him streaming
all our packets away.

Level 7

I actually really like the effort put into the poem!

Level 10

Flowetry - Ode to Ping

I am Sean

I am Ping
Ping I am

That Ping-I-Am
That Ping-I-Am
I do not like 
That Ping-I-Am

Do you like
SMMP and WMI, 

I do not like them
Ping-I-Am
I do not like SNMP and WMI

Would you use a port here or there
I do not require a port here nor there
I would not like ports in any protocol

I do not like SNMP and WMI
I do not like them 
Ping-I-Am

Would you like them in a log
I would not like them in a log 
Nor do I want them in a blog

I do not like SNMP and WMI
I do not like them 
Ping-I-Am

My job is easy, yes it's true
But without me
There will never be you

Level 8

Chatty network woes

And high bandwith usages

Saved by NTA

Level 9

The power went out

I forgot to "write mem"

No worries though

I've got NCM!

Level 8

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

March Madness is gone

But I can watch Netflow, boo!

Level 12

Packets In,

Packets Out,

With NPM, I'll see what's out