Network Flowetry!

jreves over 5 years ago 2 minute read time

Hi! I’m Joe Reves, and I’m a Flow Nerd.

I’m the Product Manager for our NetFlow Traffic Analyzer, and I’ve been working at SolarWinds for a little over a year. I’m excited about flow analytics and the problems we can solve by examining and visualizing network flow information. I’m awfully enthusiastic about all types of flow technologies, particularly traffic sampling.

I spend a lot of time talking about flow—asking customers about their challenges, and how they use flow data and tools in their environment. I also talk with my colleagues about flow. Sometimes, until they get tired of hearing about it. Often, even after they get tired…

At a recent trade show, our own “Father of NetPath”—Chris O’Brien—decided he would have a little fun, and he started a rumor that I was compiling a book of flow poetry. Naturally, this prompted me to begin writing flow poetry:

Chris, mischievous

Craves the poetry of flow

Sampled flow, of course

joer

I promptly notified our team that flow poetry, or “Flowetry,” was ON. Shortly after midnight, our intrepid leader responded with this epic:

Woes of Flow

(A poem for Joe)

It uncovers source and destination

without hesitation.

Both port and address

to troubleshoot they will clearly assess.

Beware the bytes and packets

bundled in quintuplet jackets,

for they are accompanied by a wild hog

that will drown your network in a bog.

The hero boldly proclaims thrice,

sampling is not sacrifice!

He brings data to fight

but progress is slow in this plight.

Mav

This just goes to show I shouldn’t be tossing out literary challenges in email after midnight.

Sometime after that—yes, after midnight, but before daylight—our Product Marketing Manager finished her daily email backlog and offered this:

BAP emails abound

Find the bandwidth bandit now

Joy! Now I have alerts

Abigail

So far, Chris hasn’t coughed up any examples of Flowetry. We’re calling on him next.

In terms of rumors, I hear that our resident beat poet and Head Geek Leon Adato is shopping for a black turtleneck sweater and a beret. And some shades. I can’t wait to see this.

We’d like to invite you now to our first-ever Flowetry event!

Post your best network flow-themed poetry below—odes, ballads, sonnets, limericks, haiku… whatever your style, we’d like to hear from you. Anything goes, but keep those limericks clean.

Looking for more? Complete the network-themed poem for a chance to win here: https://slrwnds.com/network-flowetry-blog

Top Comments

Parents

rschroeder over 5 years ago

The Ballad of Jenny and Fred
The packets were many ‘tween Frederick and Jenny
As two people fell into love.
But network fails had derailed their e-mails
Like a storm sent from up above.
Wireshark caps revealed the flaps
That made for their indigestion.
And the worst there was, happened because
Of horrible network congestion.
“Oh Freddy” she wrote in a serious quote
“I fear that you’ve found another.
And if this is true, I’ll be so blue
I’ll tell my Marine brother!”
Her brother’s claim to unfortunate fame
Was being a powerful fighter.
No matter their size Bruce took home the prize
He did it for Jen to delight her.
Now Frederick’s e-mail was another sad tale
He never had emptied it out.
When corporate migrated, his e-mail was fated
To folders he couldn’t find out.
Without even blinking he e-mailed her, thinking:
“Why doesn’t she answer me back?”
He hadn’t a clue of the missing mail due
To Azure becoming so slack.
Their love letters crossed and then became lost
‘Til each felt quite alone.
And that’s when the net delivered the Vet
To Freddy by way of his phone.
Brucey dialed Freddy and then said “I’m ready
To remedy love’s vengeance lost!”
But Frederick (quite vexed) sent Bruce a new text that said:
“Have you considered the cost?”
This confused Bruce and his pallor turned puce
And he pondered it all in his head.
“Fred if you’re lyin’ you soon will be dyin’,
And after it all you’ll be dead!”
Fred knew his best racket was proving the packet
To Jenny had gone to Nantucket.
He saw from the get-go that only his Netflow
Could verify mail to that bucket.
He put Bruce on hold and then graphs he polled
Until he stepped back with applause
To the One Supreme Being because he’d been seeing
His body all covered in gauze.
He felt a pure rapture when he made a capture
Of NetPath just proving his worth.
The definite showing of Jenny’s mail going
To Nantucket not to Perth.
For Fred was an Aussie, and though Jen was bossy,
He loved her for time never ending.
And although he adored her his netflow Exporter
Showed far too much traffic contending
For bandwidth she needed to write unimpeded
And tell him about her new carriage.
By which she was hinting and winking and squinting
All the while thinking of marriage.
So Frederick asked Bruce if he'd be the Best Moose
And stand by his side at a wedding.
Bruce said he would, and Fred knew that he should
If he wanted to stop a beheading.
Fred got on his knees and said “Jenny, please
Would you be my onliest female?”
Then Jen said “Yes, Fred” and they quickly were wed—
It happened in person, not e-mail!
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Comment

rschroeder over 5 years ago

The Ballad of Jenny and Fred
The packets were many ‘tween Frederick and Jenny
As two people fell into love.
But network fails had derailed their e-mails
Like a storm sent from up above.
Wireshark caps revealed the flaps
That made for their indigestion.
And the worst there was, happened because
Of horrible network congestion.
“Oh Freddy” she wrote in a serious quote
“I fear that you’ve found another.
And if this is true, I’ll be so blue
I’ll tell my Marine brother!”
Her brother’s claim to unfortunate fame
Was being a powerful fighter.
No matter their size Bruce took home the prize
He did it for Jen to delight her.
Now Frederick’s e-mail was another sad tale
He never had emptied it out.
When corporate migrated, his e-mail was fated
To folders he couldn’t find out.
Without even blinking he e-mailed her, thinking:
“Why doesn’t she answer me back?”
He hadn’t a clue of the missing mail due
To Azure becoming so slack.
Their love letters crossed and then became lost
‘Til each felt quite alone.
And that’s when the net delivered the Vet
To Freddy by way of his phone.
Brucey dialed Freddy and then said “I’m ready
To remedy love’s vengeance lost!”
But Frederick (quite vexed) sent Bruce a new text that said:
“Have you considered the cost?”
This confused Bruce and his pallor turned puce
And he pondered it all in his head.
“Fred if you’re lyin’ you soon will be dyin’,
And after it all you’ll be dead!”
Fred knew his best racket was proving the packet
To Jenny had gone to Nantucket.
He saw from the get-go that only his Netflow
Could verify mail to that bucket.
He put Bruce on hold and then graphs he polled
Until he stepped back with applause
To the One Supreme Being because he’d been seeing
His body all covered in gauze.
He felt a pure rapture when he made a capture
Of NetPath just proving his worth.
The definite showing of Jenny’s mail going
To Nantucket not to Perth.
For Fred was an Aussie, and though Jen was bossy,
He loved her for time never ending.
And although he adored her his netflow Exporter
Showed far too much traffic contending
For bandwidth she needed to write unimpeded
And tell him about her new carriage.
By which she was hinting and winking and squinting
All the while thinking of marriage.
So Frederick asked Bruce if he'd be the Best Moose
And stand by his side at a wedding.
Bruce said he would, and Fred knew that he should
If he wanted to stop a beheading.
Fred got on his knees and said “Jenny, please
Would you be my onliest female?”
Then Jen said “Yes, Fred” and they quickly were wed—
It happened in person, not e-mail!
- Cancel
- Vote Up +6 Vote Down
- More
- Cancel

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