Favorite geek jokes...

[bluefunelemental]

Just heard a good one and thought I'd see if you had more to share?

A wife asks her husband, a SQL engineer; "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get six!"

A short time later the husband comes back with six cartons of milk.

The wife asks him, "Why the hell did you buy six cartons of milk?"

He replied, "They had eggs."

[nickzourdos]

I was gonna tell an IPv4 joke, but there aren't any left

[Bronx]

We have this picture hanging in the office behind me...

[xyn99]

I really need to get a picture like that for my office.  It explains everything perfectly.

[bluefunelemental]

[nickzourdos]

I work for a school system, and our developers were looking for someone to try and break their new beta version of our student information system. Needless to say I actually got to try this in real life Unfortunately it didn't work, our developers are getting clever

[damien.solodow]

                    Luserwocky

'twas brillig and the luser hordes

did whine and grumble on the phone

All clueless where the PHB's

And the coffee jug did foam.

Beware the cluon sink my son

The eyes that glaze, the "one more thing"

Beware the bogon field and shun

the snares of marketing

He took his BOFHish lart and man:

Longtime the clueless foe he sought --

So rested he in a game of quake,

and sat a while and thought.

And as in righteous quake he played,

The cluon sink, with eyes of lead

came stomping through the field of cubes,

Of bogons was it's head

One, two! One, two! And through and through

The BOFHish lart went clicky-clack!

He left it dead, and with its disk

He went galumphing back

"And, has thou slain the cluon sink?

Come to my arms, my BOFHish Bob!

O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!"

He reported back to TOY.

'twas brillig and the luser hordes

did whine and grumble on the phone

All clueless where the PHB's

And the coffee jug did foam.

[rschroeder]

Hail to all things B.O.F.H.

BOFH Index is a link to the 2000-2015 archive.  I recommend going into the deep archives and start back in the '90's, and then reading them at your leisure in chronological order to enjoy the developing diabolical

mind set over time.

[damien.solodow]

Three servers for the admins under the influence of rye,

Seven routers for the network techs in their halls of stone

Nine workstations for mortal lusers doomed to die

One NT box from the dark lord on his throne

in the land of Redmond where the shadows lie

[familyofcrowes]

• The box said ‘Requires Windows Vista or better’. So I installed LINUX.
• Bugs come in through open Windows.
• Unix is user friendly. It’s just selective about who its friends are.
• Hey! It compiles! Ship it!
• If at first you don’t succeed; call it version 1.0.
• CAPS LOCK – Preventing Login Since 1980
• There are only 10 types of people in the world: those that understand binary and those that don’t.

(none original!)

[taylor.whitt]

familyofcrowes wrote:

• There are only 10 types of people in the world: those that understand binary and those that don’t.

You're missing two values.  00 and 11.  Everyone writes the joke this way, and I get it... but it should be, "There are only 1 kinds of people in the world: those that understand binary and those that don't." 

Even if you're going to be wasteful of the second bit... it should be 01 kinds of people, as that is the second value that can be used.

- I'm fun at parties.

[bluefunelemental]

familyofcrowes wrote…

• There are only 10 types of people in the world: those that understand binary and those that don’t.

Actually there are two types of people in the world. Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data,

A SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks, “Can I join you?”

[familyofcrowes]

From Solarwinds and my favorite:

     the best part of UDP jokes: No one cares if you get them

[bluefunelemental]

familyofcrowes wrote:

From Solarwinds and my favorite:

     the best part of UDP jokes: No one cares if you get them

I could tell you a joke about TCP, but I’d have to keep repeating it until you got it.

[bluefunelemental]

A manager, a mechanical engineer and a programmer are on a road trip to a conference. The car's brakes fail and they run off the road, come to a stop, but fortunately, everyone is okay. The manager says, "First, we'll have a meeting, put together some action items and formulate a plan." The mechanical engineer says, "No, I'll just redesign the brakes with nothing but my Swiss army knife." They both look a the programmer who says,  "Let's just get back in and start driving and see if the brakes fail again."

[izwan]

yehh thats so cool