Writing Challenge Day 25: How to Safely Entertain Guests During a Pandemic

In a pandemic, there are but three rules you should follow.

• First, wear a mask.
• Second, wash your hands frequently.
• Third, stay the [redacted] home.

Now, I know those rules are easier said than done. Well, not the mask part. Or the hand washing. If you cannot do those simple things, then natural selection is going to catch you sooner than later.

The third item, though. That one’s hard to follow. Especially after months of isolation. This is why we have rule 3a: stay six feet apart from other humans (that’s two meters for anyone outside the USA reading this).

If you find yourself wanting to entertain at home during a pandemic, the safest way is to meet outdoors. Wear your mask (when not eating/drinking), stay six feet apart, and keep the gathering small, no more than 10 people. Avoid sharing objects, such as serving utensils.

If you’re providing food, think about pre-packaged options. For example, instead of having a large bowl of popcorn that everyone shoves their filthy, disgusting hands into, buy a box of popcorn bags from your local grocery warehouse.

Lastly, keep the duration of the event to a minimal amount of time. If your guests aren’t leaving after two hours or so, start coughing and they’ll leave right away.

Of course, the safest way to entertain during a pandemic is to order food online, have it delivered to all your friend’s homes, and use Zoom to meet virtually. This way you can shove your whole face into the popcorn bowl, drink the entire bottle of wine, and no one will care.