When I looked at my calendar five years ago, every weekend was booked, occasionally double-booked, three months out – at minimum.

As the kids would say, I am “hashtag blessed” to have a group of girlfriends with whom I’ve grown up with and despite new jobs, new cities, and new adventures, we’ve remained extremely close. With friendships spanning more than a decade, these ladies are my best friends, travel buddies, confidants, second opinions, gut-checks, and sounding boards for the day-to-day. So of course, I want to celebrate every occasion with and beside them.

So what happens when your friend group of 10+ very successful, inspiring women start hitting those big life milestones? Your free time, disposable income, and patience dwindle. Life becomes a cycle of happy hours to celebrate promotions, engagement cocktails, bachelorette parties, destination weddings, birthday blowouts, and don’t forget the endless thread of back-and-forth emails to monopolize your time nail down details.

The streamers and confetti morph into glitter-encrusted resentment and exasperation. While you’re scouring your closet for yet another costume party ensemble and realizing you don’t have the right components for a “Music Videos from the 90s” theme, you check your bank account to realize that not only is your free time depleted, but you’re one Target charge away from an overdraft fee. But hey! You’ve got a great Instagram feed full of friendship and celebration.

Yes, spending quality time with your friends is one of the most rewarding pastimes and yes, those moments are invaluable, and I recognize that as we continue to grow up and priorities shift, we’ll look back on these occasions with a bittersweet nostalgia. That kind of rose-colored perspective that comes when you’ve settled into new routines that now revolve around soccer schedules and team meetings, instead of the #finalflingbeforethering.

Was the stress of feeling obligated and burdened by someone else’s joy—followed immediately by guilt for even feeling remotely resentful toward your favorite people—worth it? Maybe most of the time. But time is your most precious, non-renewable resource and something you should treat as such.

I’ve learned that while I may miss an inside joke here and there, and I might not be tagged in every photo to hit social media, I’m a much better friend (and human) when I am not over-extended and saying yes to every invitation. Because you can’t show up when it really matters if you’ve exhausted all your energy. You can’t provide the support we all need at some point when you’re sleep deprived and living latte to latte.

While FOMO can momentarily sting, embracing the JOMO is paramount to maintaining your sanity, financial stability, and, most importantly, your friendships.

Anonymous
Parents
  • love this post! I think respecting time might be one of the hardest things to do. FOMO/JOMO is a very "hindsight is 20-20" kind of situation for most of us. It takes a really solid support network that you can trust to be there for the times that you can make it, and to respect the times that you cannot.

    Happy to hear you've found such a group! My best friend is a fella I've known since kindergarten. We, both of us, do not really spend a ton of time with each other, and we never have. But, the times we do spend together are some of my most cherished and we both know that either would drop anything and be there in minutes if needed. I've found that those kinds of pillars really help lift us up when we need it.

Comment
  • love this post! I think respecting time might be one of the hardest things to do. FOMO/JOMO is a very "hindsight is 20-20" kind of situation for most of us. It takes a really solid support network that you can trust to be there for the times that you can make it, and to respect the times that you cannot.

    Happy to hear you've found such a group! My best friend is a fella I've known since kindergarten. We, both of us, do not really spend a ton of time with each other, and we never have. But, the times we do spend together are some of my most cherished and we both know that either would drop anything and be there in minutes if needed. I've found that those kinds of pillars really help lift us up when we need it.

Children
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