I was chatting with a good friend and sometimes fitness/nutrition coach of mine this morning and she pretty much told me that I should quit drinking sodas as they're "bad for me". Maybe it's just because it's Monday and quite honestly I'm always cranky before 10:00 a.m. but man that really ticked me off. If you've ever wanted to know what really fuels this industry - I'm here to tell you - it's caffeine baby, all the way. Without caffeine we wouldn't even have an internet. Pay attention the next time you stay up all night online gaming or surfing porn - I guarantee you there will be a caffeinated beverage somewhere near you and let's face it - online gaming and porn are the two primary reasons why internet technology has evolved so let's give them the respect they deserve.

In my case, it's Mountain Dew. Mountain Dew was there for me during that first whiteboard discussion where John Spaulding explained subnetting to me and Mountain Dew was there the weekend we decided to convert the Air Force Base from NetWare NDS to Windows Domains. Mountain Dew was there for me as we started replacing X.25 with frame-relay and it's still there for me as we replace frame-relay with MPLS. Mountain Dew was my companion when I migrated DNS from that old AT&T 3B2 to a couple of Linux servers and it was there the day that I realized HP Open View was a complete waste of freaking time and got on with my life. Mountain Dew was there for me when we upgraded IOS and went from classful to classless addressing/routing and it's been there for me as I've plunged into the world of IPv6.

Sure, over the years I've switched over to Diet Mountain Dew as the hours on the keyboard have had their effects on my metabolism but luckily the caffeine is still there. Why is it that people that don't drink sodas keep trying to tell those of us that do that they're "bad for us"? Then, when I mention that it's diet, they're like "That's even worse!!!". How can that be worse? How can sodas be bad for you? Have you ever known someone that died from a Pepsi overdose? Let me tell you, when I die - bury me with a case of Diet Mountain Dew and let my gravestone read - "Died of something other than soda-pop poisoning - Get over it..."

So, with all this in mind, here is the Head Geek's Top 5 Proof Points that Drinking Sodas will NOT Kill You.

#5 - If you call the National Poison Control Center and tell them that you drank a soda they hang up on you.

#4 - There has never been an episode of Law & Order or CSI where the cause of death ended up being a caffeinated beverage. They've done every other possible scenario over the years so if this was possible they'd have covered it by now.

#3 - We all know that OJ kills. There's never been a headline accusing Mountain Dew of hacking people up and then escaping in a Bronco.

#2 - Buy Orion. Hey, SolarWinds pays me and pays for this blog. I had to put it in there somewhere. BTW, if it wasn't for Mountain Dew Orion would still be publishing its data to the web using an XML snapshot (anybody remember version 4.1?)...

#1 - Because you never feel quite so alive as when you have a full bottle of Mountain Dew (feel free to substitute your own favorite here) in your hand, a DS3 to yourself, and nobody watching what you're doing...


Flame on...
Josh
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